UnREAL Talk: So Long, Farewell

Jeremy and Rachel set up for shooting on Lifetime's UnREAL
UnREAL (Photo: James Dittiger / Lifetime)

UnREAL comes to an end. No, that’s not a Chet/sex pun.

UnREAL reaches its first-season finale. Let’s raise a toast and say our fond goodbyes…

…to Chet’s cocaine-fueled sex drive. He refers to Madison as “a mouth,” then asks Quinn if he wants her attacking her every time he gets a boner. Does Chet really need to have sex every time he gets a boner? Even the most ridiculous sex addicts don’t do that.

…to cheap ratings stunts. Brittany shows up (thanks to Chet) and demands a wedding dress of her own, which makes Quinn and Rachel freak out that Adam will pick her. What? She didn’t last the first night, and they think she’s gonna show up and win the whole show?

…to Chet and Quinn’s love story. Quinn returns the ring because she realizes what a whorish loser she almost married. Yay!

…to Adam’s awesome grandma. Holy shit, if only she had been on all season. She is gold. “I was doing blow off Mick Jagger’s you-know-what two days before I married an impotent duke for his title!” We all wish we had a grandmother like that, right?

…to the harem of suitorettes. Adam finally makes his selection: Anna! Mostly because Awesome Grandma doesn’t want him to marry “a brown person.”

…to Boring Jeremy. He becomes 78% less boring when he pretends he will propose to Rachel, only to put her on blast instead. Good for you, bro, that’s the most interesting thing you’ve done all season.

…to Adam. He ends up being dumped at the altar by Anna, and leaves Rachel thanks to Quinn’s sabotage. What will become of him? Who cares? I want to know what will happen to Awesome Grandma.

….to Quinn and Rachel’s roma’amce. (Female “bromance” equivalent. Feel free to hashtag it.) Despite all the scheming on both sides, they still end up wanting to work together next season. And they love each other! In their own dysfunctional, horrifying way. What will happen next season? Stay tuned, gang!

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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