Clone Club Minutes: Several New Members for Orphan Black Season 3

Sarah and a captured Castor brother have a meet-cute on the third season premiere of Orphan Black.
Orphan Black (Photo: Steve Wilkie / BBC America)

Orphan Black is back, y’all! Holy doodle is there a lot going on in the third season premiere.

It feels like it has been forever since the Clone Club had its last meeting. Thankfully, Saturday brought the return of Orphan Black for its third season on BBC America. Picking up about three week’s after last season’s finale, what are the Leda sestras and newly-discovered Castor brothers up to?

Helena: Everyone’s psychotic-yet-misunderstood clone is dreaming about pregnancy and picnics and scorpions crawling out of her womb like a xenomorph ZOMG. Not cool show. No, Helena, who was yanked after the clone dance party is trapped in a box. The scorpion is still there, but they seem to be on conversational (if not friendly) terms. After 48 hours (according to the scorpion), one of the Castor brothers unlocks the box to let Helena out.

Rachel: She’s still alive despite the No. 2 to the cornea.1 She lost the eye, obvs, but may have also suffered some brain damage. Meanwhile, Dyad’s parent corporation Topside sends an investigator/cleaner named Ferdinand to assess the security risk/damage control regarding the sisters. There is also some incident that took place in Helsinki which Delphine discovers Rachel was aware of after some bad eye/thumb sadism. She may be hospitalized with impaired speech and functioning, but Rachel could still be a major danger.

Sarah: Delphine briefs Sarah on how Dyad managed to capture one of the Castor boys, thanks to new clone Krystal (see below). Although we don’t know the captured subject’s name, he knows Sarah’s and wants to talk to her. Rather, he warns Sarah to “count your sisters.” Shortly thereafter, Delphine calls in Sarah to play Rachel so that Ferdinand doesn’t find out what happened. MAKEOVER! Sarah is able to convince Ferdinand, using sex as a weapon. She tries to use the situation to get Helena back into the fold, only to discover “Helsinki” refers to a plan devised by Rachel and Ferdinand to eliminate the self-aware clones. Sarah/Rachel tries to kill Ferdinand during extremely rough foreplay, but Delphine intercedes. Dyad needs Ferdinand so that Topside doesn’t get wise to what’s going on, and Ferdinand can’t let Topside know that he was conspiring with Rachel.

Alison: School board elections are coming up, and Marci Coates wants to redraw school boundary lines. Since that screws up Alison’s highly organized world, she decides to run for the office. She has my vote. Meanwhile, Donnie got fired from his day job, so money will be tight in the Hendricks household for a little while. As they sort through the budget, Delphine calls in Alison to help with the Ferdinand ruse, asking her to play Sarah (who is supposed to be in Dyad’s custody). Despite an awful Sarah wig, Ferdinand doesn’t seem too suspicious until he feels up “Sarah” to check for surgery scars (she was supposed to have an oophorectomy, as you may recall). Alison manages to avoid getting exposed, but is almost disposed as the next “Helsinki” target had Delphine not intervened with “Rachel” and Ferdinand.

Cosima: She’s moved in with Felix and seems to be getting healthier. She’s still gaga over Delphine, but Delphine’s new promotion in Rachel’s role won’t allow the two of them to be together. Scott does a checkup and uses the opportunity to say he doesn’t want to deal with super soldiers or lesbian drama. Cosima shows him Duncan’s copy of Island of Dr. Moreau. He’s back in.

Hoodie Castor: He beats the crap out of Mrs. S, asking after Duncan. All she knows is that Duncan went into Dyad and didn’t come out alive and that his information is probably still with Dyad. Following the attack, Mrs. S. reveals to Sarah and Felix that she had to give up Helena to Paul and the Castor crew to keep the sisters alive.

Krystal Goderich: Hooked up with one of the Castor boys in a hotel, only to be attacked by a second one. The boys forced her into the trunk of a car, and she managed to survive the ordeal. According to the captured Castor, Krystal hasn’t bought into the whole clone thing.

Captured/Buddha Castor: We know he’s a nude pull-up enthusiast, he knows about Sarah and her sisters, and that Hoodie castor has busted him out of his holding cell.

  1. :::Shudder:::  

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Mike has been writing about TV online since 2008, when he started the blog WTF Little House on the Prairie? The blog was a project to practice writing about television analytically prior to getting an MA in Television-Radio-Film from Syracuse University, or as he likes to call it "TV Camp." After a lengthy stint at TVLatest, Mike wanted to launch a site that brought in classic TV, diamonds in the rough, and the shows everybody watches. E-mail: