M: I have a note here about Hawley’s hair.
T: YES YES YES YES GIMME IT.
M: “He’s looking scruffy, and some strands are splaying.” He had just escaped through the tunnels, you see.
T: Poetry, that.
M: Moving on: Ichabod is driving Hawley’s car.
T: And how is that handling?
M: Vroooom very well. Amongst the planning, he desires to know to which sort of horses horsepower is compared, as there are distinct differences in their speed.
T: Oh Ichabod – he does like his horsepower.
M: Ichabod says some fateful words: “At all costs – we must stay together.”
T: Uh oh. There are points in each episode where they should all just be quiet and not tempt fate, no? Or, at least, NOT CLUE US IN TO THE NEXT “TWIST”.
M: It’s not a terrible plan in this case, given the strength of the enemy – but, as you have wisely discerned, it does not work. There’s a gathering, a black market auction, basically, happening at the house which is why Carmilla picked now to break in. Hawley slips upstairs, Abbie and Jenny follow, Abbie thinks Ichabod is signaling for her to go when he gets waylaid by the host, but of course he’s not. Blah blah. Best thing about that scene was how friendly and antiques-nerdy was the host.
T: Awww. Any good casting there? WHY ISN’T RICK MORANIS IN THIS? Where is Rick Moranis in life, anyway? (Two minutes of googling) Making music. Okay, carry on.
M: Snerk. Hawley gets the vault open. Jenny surprises Hawley. He reluctantly agrees to accept her help.
T: How forceful was she with her eyebrows?
M: The room is dim, hard to say. Plus – it was a trick! He shoves her out of the room and locks the door, leading to his second very well delivered line. She’s all ‘We’re trying to help you!’ And he’s “I know you are, Mills, and thank you for that, but for your own good stay out of this.”
T: Oh Hawley! You’re stronger than I thought, withstanding the Eyebrows! My my. Though, to be honest, that’s a weak line. There’s no zing to it.
M: It was all in the delivery – made him seem quite genuine.
T: Like, “I really care about you Mills” or “there’s a woman on my trail and I really can’t be fighting off two different fierce females at the same time; ack”?
M: Much more the former.
T: Okay that is quite nice
M: See? I will not lead you astray. Instead, I’ll summarize the next several minutes – Abbie finds Carmilla in the vault, shoots her, with surprisingly no effect. Carmilla takes her hostage when Ichabod shows up. Hawley tells Carmilla he’ll willingly go with her if she lets the other two survive. Ichabod and Abbie get locked in the vault where they can murmur out their differences.
T: Now they’re murmuring at each other. What are they, starlings?
M: So clever, you are.
T: And when has Hawley ever willingly sacrificed himself? I mean, other than the succubus thing, but I mean: succubus.
M: There’s some discussion on that, but I really got the sense the whole episode that Hawley is a good guy.
T: He’s redeemed!
M: Despite their attempts to make us wonder if he was going to double cross someone at some point.
T: Right. Ok, so he’s a solid ally. So now they doubly have to get him back.
M: Once they get out of the vault…
T: is Jenny still locked away?
M: She was locked out of the room – so she’s wandering around looking for everyone else.
T: Got it.
M: Do you want just the clever asides and references, or a blow by blow from here on out?
T: Asides and references!
M: Okay! Ichabod thinks he figured out how to get them out of the vault, but picks the wrong button and sets off a trap.
T: Oh dear!
M: Which involves a wall of giant spikes slowly closing in on them.
T: No! Is that an Indiana Jones thing or am I imagining that?
M: That was from the ceiling.
T: Ah yes.
M: The walls closing in is Star Wars, which gets referenced!
T: YAY That’s what I’ve been missing all these episodes. Ichabod sees himself as Leia, doesn’t he? In need of rescue, yet capable on his own…
M: And with impeccable style. Also, Ichabod says “I’ll admit, I was excited, I may have acted rashly.”
T: That is a great line.
M: It was. They do get out, via Ichabod remembering important things about Theodore Knox, prompting Abbie’s button on the scene: “We seriously named Fort Knox after a guy who died in debt?”
T: (say it with me: OF COURSE)