Why Watch? Sleepy Hollow’s ‘Heartless’

M: Henry, I’m guessing, but hang on one sec – I thought Ichabod was all for trying to save Henry also. Did Abbie turn him off that track in this short conversation?

T: No, he’s waffling. He wants to save him, but he’s also seen all the destruction that Henry wreaks. He’s conflicted; he wants to have faith, but he’s not sure he can.

M: Ah, so it’s not so much that he and Katrina are on opposite sides as much as they’re not in full agreement.

T: Yep; pretty much a theme for this episode.

M: Aha. Anyway – demon called forth by Henry?

T: Seductive lady demon – care to make a guess?

M: About?

T: A guess about what it is she does as a demon? How does she kill her victims? Or how does she find her victims?

M: Please tell me she’s a divorce attorney. Or a stripper.

T: Keep going, I like these.

M: Hrm. Apparently those are the only seductive professions I can think of at the moment. No, wait – life coach.

T: Motivational speaker!

M: Not seductive, but appropriate.

T: (that was just adding to your list, not the actual thing itself)

M: Is her profession her means of finding victims? Or does she just troll bars?

T: Wait: how are divorce attorneys seductive?

M: …welcome to the joke, T.

T: (I’m rolling my eyes at myself right now). Okay so ladykins hotpants is… a… succubus called forth from a heart.

M: Classic.

T: And sent out into the teeming hormonal wilds of Sleepy Hollow to feast on the unspoken desires of mortals. Because she has no heart of her own, she must find other people’s darkest deepest emotions and consume them for her own.

M: Which is… not how a succubus typically works I don’t think, but that actually makes for pretty good TV right there. Oo – reality TV!

T: Heh. So off she goes to Club Whatever and seduces a nerd boy who can’t work up the guts to talk to a female.

M: So we’re doing Porky’s now?

T: Again: reference beyond me. Apparently it’s important to show us that this is an all-genders-and-orientations-welcome type of succubus because then she feeds of a woman whose pining for her best friends’ girlfriend. It was supposed to be edgy, I think, because the succubus and the woman almost kiss?

M: Also we’ve only had passing mention to LGBT folks in the series so far.

T: But then: pan out, strobe-y lights, decaying body between two cars.

M: So Criminal Minds. Got it.

T: Yup. And Mills is like, “this is supernatural.”

M: (I’m recreating this entire episode as a collage of every other media I’ve consumed.)

T: WHICH WAS A GREAT REFERENCE

M: Good reference! Damnit!

T: !

M: ! Apparently the writers are doing the same thing.

T: 🙂 So then there’s this whole “how is this thing working, two people, diff genders, but wait, the first one… was alone.., in his car… outside a club… in the backseat…” Mills turns, shocked, to Ichabod. “The only reason someone would be in the backseat of his own car would be if he was getting it on.” “Excuse me?” “Getting lucky?” And then she gets to explain The Sex to Ichabod. I mean, the euphemism.

M: Haw.

T: But wouldn’t that have been something. Your “haw” is perfectly timed, btw, because OF COURSE they need Hawley.

M: I aim to please.

T: Good job. have a biscuit. Wait. I forget why they call Hawley in? Oh, right, wondering if he has any information because now he’s an expert on these things.

M: …on things supernatural?

T: Yep.

M: As in, the things they’ve been dealing with for the entire series?

T: Yep. He’s the missing Winchester, shhhh.

M: He has the hair for it.

T: LIAR the Winchesters are cleanshaven…mostly? I forget.

M: ON HIS HEAD not his face. Why did I shout that?

T: BECAUSE CAPS I WON I WON I WON

M: Yes, I saw your tweet. Tell me – will I have a semblance of an excuse to do that again this evening?

T: Out of frustration? Yes. We’ll revisit this EXACT moment in about 30 minutes, but anyway – Henry’s called forth his evil beauty, Abraham’s sulky, Katrina’s wearing corsets and having freaky visions of Henry in Phillipsburg Manor.

M: Fredericks Mansion so they don’t get sued or something.

T: Right. Meanwhile, Abbie and Ichabod have figured out that the succubus is an Incordata, which means heartless, and is somehow involved with the genesis of Valentine’s Day. But, more importantly, it only has to feed once…every few weeks… And yet this one has feed twice in a night. Hmmmmmm… what could she be collecting feedings for?

M: Gluttony!

T: WENDIGOBUS. Not.

M: Maybe it’s less of a need now and more of a hobby.

T: So she drains souls from her desirous victims.

M: Oh, she’s draining souls – you didn’t say that.

T: Sorry; I thought it was implied. Soulsucking ladykins hotpants.

M: This is all part of Henry’s plan for something something giving Katrina to Abraham?

T: Unclear.

M: … were your questions earlier just rhetorical statements of what the team is asking?

A Brief Word From Our Sponsors:

About Aaron Mucciolo 206 Articles
He does things. That's all we can say at this time. E-mail: mooch@whatelseison.tv