Why Watch? Sleepy Hollow’s ‘Heartless’

Ichabod and Hawley have great hair on Fox's Sleepy Hollow
Sleepy Hollow (Photo: FOX)

No heart, this show. None!

Between travel schedules, ‘jobs’, and familial commitments, lovers of Sleepy Hollow Tanya and Mooch don’t always get the chance to watch an episode within the week after its initial broadcast. Fortunately, at least one of the pair does. Even more fortunately, the other of the pair is more than willing to make wild guesses as to what transpired.

This week’s transcript was edited for space, and quite a bit of Philly love. 

The podcast may still occur, one of these days.

M: Are you fed? Are you home safe?

T: I am in a hotel room in Dallas.

M: Did you buy a pink rhinestone hat whilst out? This is my understanding of what one does in Dallas.

T: No! I went to a museum. Wait: no. I had tacos and THEN went to a museum. And then had pizza and beer and pie.

M: So when you said ‘I need to get dinner, it’ll be a couple of hours’ you actually meant ‘I need to get dinner, culture, and a snack, it’ll be a couple of hours.’

T: I texted you after the museum, but I was an hour’s drive from pie. So, you know, it shakes out.

M: Now I’m picturing a pie rationing situation.


M: …where only the east side of Dallas gets it on Saturday.

T: I had one slice. and it was YUM – banana with maple caramel sauce.

M: Ooo!

T: And vanilla custard. And whipped topping. And a cookie-like crust.

M: I was wrong. Now ‘Ooooo!’

T: I could eat at that place forever.

M: Does it just do pies?

T: And coffee, and tea. But walk across the street and you can get yourself a pizza pie!

M: Which, reading back, I take it you did

T: Yes. Some lady at the bar with VERY bright red lipstick helped me find the hook for my purse, and then proceeded to tell me a bit of her life story (complete with iphone photos). Very chatty  – so much so, that when my pizza was finally delivered to the bar, the waitress brought out two plates and two sets of cutlery.

(There is a pause from Dallas.)

M: Are you checking the room service menu for pie?

T: I’m so full I’d refuse pie. How is that POSSIBLE? Okay – how much have you gathered about the episode from previews?

M: I didn’t see any previews, but I know the episode title and saw some production stills. My guess: seductive lady demon who steals organs?

T: I’m trying to reframe that so that you would be right, but alas. Nope, you’re wrong.

M: Oh good! Otherwise this would be way too predictable.

T: You got half of it right though – seductive lady demon: check. Organ stealer/eater/consumer: nope.

M: Interesting. I am vaguely interested.

T: But let’s start with the start.

M: A very good place to begin.

T: Katrina’s in Sleepy Hollow now with Ichabod and Abbie.

M: And no demon baby.

T: She’s not fevered, she’s breathing, she’s walking, for some reason she’s still wearing the goth chick’s corset, and her hair is SUPER red.

M: Vampy Katrina. Got it.

T: If you had one genre of TV to watch with your wife, recently saved from the clutches of your demon-led son and the Headless Horseman, and just as recently introduced to the Modern Era, what would you watch with her? (“you” are Ichabod Crane and you don’t particularly like this genre of TV, but… sacrifice)

M: Oo, that’s a good question, in the sense that it provides a potential interesting window into these characters’ development. But I’m going to guess they went the easy way on this and we’re talking reality tv.

T: Yes.

M: Bachelor?

T: YES – well, their knock-off version of it, but YES. So Katrina can go all “love is passion and it can’t be ordered and it just is” and Ichabod is all “love is pain, princess”.

M: And Ichabod’s all ‘I KNOW, right?!’ Oh, yours is better…

T: They’re getting slightly fight-y, because lurve when voila: Mills arrives! So here we go. We have The Three in time together. Two witnesses, a witch. What’s their team dynamic?

M: Last episode it was Abbie gets outvoted because the parental/matrimonial bond triumphs… I would hope we’d move into more of a Super Friends dynamic, or maybe something like that Ghostbusters cartoon – Ichabod, of course, is the ape in this analogy.

T: …. I grew up overseas. I don’t understand those words. Why’s there an ape in the ghostbusters?

M: There was a short-lived cartoon show called Ghostbusters which was two dopey guys and their super-smart ape friend zapping ghosts. This prompted the creation of a cartoon show called ‘The Real Ghostbusters’ with the characters from the beloved movie.

T: uh….

M: Because kids are dumb and gladly accepted the former as part of the more popular brand.

T: Weird. Okay.

M: I count myself in with those dumb kids

T: 🙂

M: So back to team dynamics – does Abbie have to play the adult to the two scowling Cranes?

T: Katrina is trying to figure out where she fits, plus she’s suffering weird visions of Henry. And Abbie’s like, “PEOPLE we have to stop YOUR SON. HE’S EVIL. CAN’T YOU SEE. STOP TRYING TO SAVE HIM. WE HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD.” Meanwhile Ichabod sees that Katrina and he have both changed since “before the war” and it’s kind of freaking him out a little. Abbie’s very sensible about that: “duh,” she basically says.

M: I’d think he would have some olde English wisdom about how the war itself would have changed all things.1

T: No, he needed a bit of Mills logic on this one. It’s more that he doesn’t understand Katrina. She makes a spare remark about how Abraham was “kind” to her and it throws Ichabod off, and she continually wants to spare Henry, but Crane’s not convinced. So anyway, into this muddle of Crane trying to galvanize his relationship, comes a creature…called forth by …. ?

  1. Or that his newfound love of videogames would prompt a Fallout reference.  

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About Aaron Mucciolo 206 Articles
He does things. That's all we can say at this time. E-mail: mooch@whatelseison.tv