M: No, it is not. But I’m enjoying your story more than parts of this one. Back to it – Joe is alive, in fact, he is battered and mumbling “My dad knew – it’s going to kill us all.”
T: Also in some wendigo myths, the wendigo grows with each person it consumes. Does this one? Are they going to be chasing a giant creature?
M: This thing’s pretty big already – never looks hungry.
T: Right: they’re gluttonous AND starved.
M: Looks like a large werewolf with antlers, actually
M: And ripped.
T: I… really? Like, they went hairy route? Innnnnteresting.
M: As in ‘Damn, that’s a good looking cannibalistic monster.’
T: My image of the wendigo is gaunt Jake Gyllenhaal.
M: That’s more common.
T: But, you know, smelling of decay and subways. Which I really hope is not how JG smells in real life. Do they make any link to the Native American legends of the wendigo, or are we contextless?
M: Pretty explicitly.
T: Oh goodie.
M: And they tie it directly to certain figures in American history. But we’re burying the lede here, as I have withheld vital information.
T: LIZZIE BORDEN. Oh okay. Right, get back to it.
M: Wasn’t Lizzie Borden in the 1800s? Anyway – Joe’s dad… who would have hired Abbie to babysit? And who apparently knew ‘it’ will kill everyone?
T: Scrap Lizzie Borden. Uh….
M: Pray tell, Tanya, who is this father? (It was brought up right away but I glossed over it – for EFFECT.)
T: …. CORBIN?
M: YES. Sheriff Clancy!!
T: Oh. Well played. Weeeeeeeelllll played. So… what is this “it” and how did he know and… wait: how long has this wendigo been stumbling around anyway? And is it genetically passed on? Is wendigoism a thing?
M: Maybe in some legends, but not here.
T: Okay. Corbin. Do we get a flashback, or is he only a mention?
M: We get full on flashback.
M: But not yet. First, Abbie has to visit Joe in the hospital where he blah blahs that dad liked her more.
T: Jealousy, man. It’s a killer.
M: And she continues to say she’s sorry about things going wrong for Joe, like his platoon all getting killed pretty horribly over in Afghanistan.
T: Okay: so now we have some sort of rivalry progressing between them two – are we supposed to see parallels between Abbie and Joe? As in: losing Corbin, losing friends and comrades in their battles?
M: Well, he also blames her for his father dying while he was overseas. To which she is all ‘it’s waaaaay more complicated than that but you wouldn’t believe me’ and he’s all ‘you wouldn’t know what I’d believe, especially now with me mumbling ‘dad knew, it’s going to kill us all” Narrative paragraph time – Abbie and Ichabod head to the clubhouse for some research. Ichabod rapidly makes the wendigo connection, and explains an earlier occurrence, specifically Valley Forge, where things grew quite desperate. Daniel Boone is referenced, more specifically his brother, Squire who was possessed by the wendigo spirit because he was suuuuuper hungry. This leads us to a History Tie-In – why did Daniel Boone always wear a cap? (which Ichabod notes was usually beaver pelt, not often raccoon.)
T: HE WAS BALD. Geez. And vain. Had a third nipple in his bald spot. Slash had a Hessian tattoo.
M: He was partially bald. For reasons. Not genetic. Well, not directly genetic.
T: Slash had brother who tried to eat a bit of his head.
M: YES. You win a pie made out of Daniel Boone.
T: That’s just gross. I had a great apple pie today, though. If you’re ever around Cornell, hit up Hollenbeck’s Cider Mill. They make a mean pie. #sponsormewithpie
M: So there’s our history, for the most part, and further reading reveals that blood triggers the change, and that one must consume human organs to return to human form.
T: Ewwwwwwwww. (Btw, there’s an It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia wendigo episode.)
M: No! What season? I am so watching that.
T: It’s a Halloween episode?
M: Thankyoucaptainobvious. Back to Sleepy Hollow. Have you caught on to what’s going on yet?
T: Well, Joe wants to eat Abbie’s organs1 because he’s mad at her, and um, WENDIGO? Also Daniel Boone’s cap is somehow important? And Hawley FINALLY finds a crossbow that works, except Abbie can’t fire it, because she remembers Joe in Superman PJs and, um, flashback to Corbin who knew his son would become a wendigo? I’m confused about Corbin’s “it” getting “them”.
M: The point is you figured out that Joe is the wendigo. Well ahead of Abbie and Ichabod who took 17 MINUTES to do so.
T: Well, why ELSE would he be in the episode? Abbie has enough guilt as is. There’s no need to pack more onto her. Voila! Joe is the monster. But was it 17 minutes of witticisms, or 17 minutes of muttering in the archives?
M: Mostly witticisms and ‘action sequences’.
T: Please tell me Ichabod does an impression of his unfriend Daniel Boone.
M: No, but he totally does a mocking impression of modern Americans talking about Daniel Boone! Out-of-let-field accent to the rescue.
T: AH that is just as good. So Joe is stuck in wendigo form for now?
M: No, Joe’s in the hospital having eaten those dude’s by the trucks organs and been found by Abbie who says ‘I need to get Joe from the hospital’ and takes two steps towards the door before her phone rings informing her Joe’s left the hospital. It was seriously that ‘well’ timed. Bizarre.
T: Confession: I get Daniel Boone and Davey Crockett confused. Who died at the Alamo?
M: Crockett I’m pretty sure
T: Google tells me it was Crockett. Eh. Fine.2 Q: does Jenny know Joe?
M: It’s never made clear whether Jenny and Joe knew each other, but it doesn’t matter.
T: So it’s a no-Jenny episode.
M: No, she’s here – and it’s awesome. But first Abbie and Ichabod need to go find Joe, who is still in human form at least for now. They find that Sheriff Clancy left him ‘some things that are very important’ for safekeeping and a code to figure out where they are hidden.
T: Please tell me Ichabod tilts his head, squints, and makes out the code. Or that Jenny knows the code, because Clancy/Jenny/yeah.
M: Nah, it was a basic latitude/longitude thing. Turns out the thing is out in the woods where all the stuff went down last night.
T: Pffft too easy.
M: Joe was out there trying to find the thing!
M: He must be there now!
T: ::powerful harmonic chord::
M: Spoiler: he is there. And he’s dug up some ornate metal box. But when Abbie and Ichabod roll up he panics and runs away for some reason, forcing them to chase after him, during which chase Ichabod cuts his hand while tackling Joe. Meaning…
T: BLOOD IGNITES THE WENDIGO. (Ignites? Weird word choice, sorry)
M: That works fine, actually.
T: WENDIGO HULK OUT. So… it’s any blood? Like, would owl blood do?
M: If it was an owl possessed by the wendigo then owl blood might do it.
T: Does this mean that blood banks are just The Worst? And how close in proximity must the wendigo be to the blood to HULK SMASH?
M: These are questions left unexplored. Joe’s all ‘Run!!’ and Ichabod and Abbie heed his advice, insofar as Abbie runs and gets a tranq gun that looks like something Arnold would use in a movie.
M: But this means they can chain Joe up in the secret Masonic cell!
M: While someone gets them organs.
T: Because the secret Masonic cell has gone SO WELL before. Someone being Jenny? Or Hawley?
M: Hawley’s just shaking his head at the situation. “You had me at secret Masonic cell…” says Hawley, looking at a live wendigo.
T: Great. GREAT. Like there are just human lungs sitting around waiting to be eaten at Belle’s.
T: Sorry, Bella’s.3 Oh Hawley. How they wrong you with your lines.