I Wanna Marry “Harry” Episode 4: My Brother William — One woman doesn’t want to play the game anymore while another is close to figuring out the entire ruse. It’s not as interesting as it sounds.
I watch a lot of garbage. I watched all of 10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty, I did a marathon of Facts of Life when I got my Chromecast, and during this week’s episode of I Wanna Marry “Harry” I reminisced with Tara about the short-lived Charm School spin-off from Flavor of Love. In other words, I have a high tolerance for bad television, but when it’s bad AND boring? Friggity frak, yo.
Here’s what happened in this week’s 42-minute episode: “Harry” uses a photoshopped picture of him and Prince William during a breakfast date with Karina to push the ruse. Later, “Harry” invites Maggie and Chelsea on a horseback riding date and requires the rest of the
girls women to muck (clean) the stables. After that date, “Harry” and Karina go on a helicopter tour of London, take a boat down the Thames, and get “harassed” by “fans.”1 While they are gone, the women gang up on Chelsea while Anna Lisa questions “Harry’s” legitimacy. The next day, Chelsea leaves because she’s over it. The women enjoy a game of badminton and hot tub time. After dinner, Anna Lisa is dismissed after questioning “Harry” directly and cracking this case wide open and Kelley is asked to go to the crown suite.
The list of things I hated about this episode is slightly longer:
- I don’t think any of these women have ever watched TV before. Which raises the question: what did these women think they were signing up for originally?
- As has been the case every time we see “Harry” eating, it should be obvious he is not fourth in line to the throne. His posture is terrible and he holds his silverware incorrectly. Also, would anyone in the Royal Family ask “pop to the loo real quick?”
- So many reality show tropes that make my skin crawl. During the mucking around, one woman says, “the things a girl will do to get a boy.” GRRRRRRRR. All the women question if Chelsea really wants to be there, as if they all had guns held to their heads when they signed up for the show. The tension came to a head between Chelsea and Maggie during the horseback riding date, when Chelsea brought up Maggie’s obvious alcoholism. Maggie accused Chelsea of throwing her under the bus, which had me wondering if anyone in the Royal Family, a) has heard that turn of phrase and, b) if they know what busses are.
- “Lying to someone you don’t know is okay, you can put up with it. But lying to someone you actually start to have feelings for, it feels a bit wrong.” Matt/”Harry” is a sociopath.
I realize it was on a different network, but I’m mad this show is on and Whodunnit? is not. I have decided to imagine “Harry” is the murderer and one of these women will need to figure it out.
- This whole show should be in air-quotes. ↵