That Happened: Petals on the Wind

Julian’s ballet director is casting Romeo and Juliet and naturally Julian will play Romeo. Jesus, I wonder who will play Juliet! What a mystery! Julian brings Cathy to his dumpy-ass apartment and immediately sticks his tongue down her throat. They do it on a hideous floral-print couch that everyone’s grandmother still owns and he is talking dirty and I just really want him to shut up.

Not to be outdone, Christopher is “flirting” with the supervisor’s daughter by telling her that “not all of” the babies in the maternity ward are going to live to adulthood. You silver-tongued devil, you. To her credit, she recovers nicely and tries to leave. To her detriment, he asks her out for Valentine’s Day and she is thrilled. Seriously? You want to date this guy? He just talked about dead kids.

Carrie has to go to a cotillion and the other girls bully her about her small size (which, whatever, she looks normal-sized to me) and her lack of beautiful gowns. This leads to her trying on dresses at home, and naturally her perverted incestuous brother walks in. Carrie hits on him. Oh my GAWD.

Meanwhile, in the dance studio, Julian drops Cathy from a great height for an as-yet-unknown reason. What a doucheburger. He keeps glaring daggers at her and I have no idea what is happening. Ohhhh, turns out he is an abusive prick. “Why can’t you love me?” he screams menacingly at her. This is true irony, right here.

Christopher’s date Sarah is so vapid, she flippantly mentions that her mother died and then waxes on and on about the tragedy of her slip falling apart before her cotillion. What the hell? They kiss on her porch but he’s clearly not as into it as he was with his SISTER, MAN.

Cathy is so disappointed not to be cast as Juliet, even though she is a brand-new member in the corps de ballet and is not even close to being a principal or soloist. Later, in their shitty apartment, she tells Julian she is going back to her family and he does not take it well, threatening to kill everyone on the planet Earth who stands in his way. This villain is shockingly cartoonish, even for the Lifetime network.

Cathy comes back to town for Christopher’s medical school graduation and meets Sarah, his girlfriend. They’re official! And Cathy is surprised. And Cathy has a black eye and gives a dumb excuse about it. Classic battered woman. She returns to New York and Julian tries to act like all the abuse is because of booze. He begs for her forgiveness and says he will do whatever he wants her to do.

Cut to Julian putting broken glass in diva Yolanda’s toe shoes so that Cathy will get the role of Juliet. LOL! Yolanda got punk’d!

Carrie is so upset because her doll is missing. What high school senior carries a doll around all the time? One of the mean girls tells her where the doll is (a secluded upstairs closet), which seems like a trap, but Carrie stupidly runs up there to get it. The doll has been hung in effigy! And the mean girls lock her in the closet. What a bunch of see-you-next-Tuesdays.

Cathy and Julian rehearse on stage in New York, and Carrie comes over and asks if she can stay with them. Huh, that “trapped in the closet” gig didn’t last long. How did she get to New York? This plot hole is vaster than the emptiness in Heather’s head. Speaking of whom, Heather is talking to a contractor about remodeling Hag’s house. She wants to “get rid of” the attic. She doesn’t know much about architecture, I’m guessing.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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