First category: Banjee Girl Bling! This is almost a reboot of the 90s rap video challenge, only modern, bejeweled and skankier. Joslyn would have killed this. Naturally, Adore looks outstanding in hooker boots and a matching tank top. Miss Crème would be more banjee if she didn’t have a giant loofah shrug on. Bianca looks exactly like Mary J. Blige and I love it. Darienne looks absolutely balls-hideous in a psychedelic onesie and blue wig, and it has nothing to do with banjee girls. I am now blind. Courtney looks more grunge than banjee. “Madonna meets Nirvana” is the perfect description.
Second category: Platinum Card Executive Realness! Miss Crème is looking fierce but more like the executive’s wife than the executive. Adore is giving us some sexy lesbian realness. Bianca definitely looks like a real estate agent and is selling it bigtime. Darienne looks boring in a Lane Bryant outfit that is not corporate at all. Courtney is rocking a hot miniskirt and blazer with her Rusical wig and looks great.
Third category: Dripping in Jewels Eleganza! BenDeLaCreme is yet again looking like a pinup in rose quartz. Not good to repeat yourself, girl. Should have done a gown. Adore Delano is looking very “Tron whore” in her cute white dress with matching wig, and is doing the robot down the runway very convincingly. Bianca Del Rio is wearing a gorgeous, well-constructed sapphire dress, but it’s similar to other looks she’s created as well. Darienne Lake is trying to give us “slave Leia” in her topaz dress, but the crotch is droopy. Every time Khloe Kardashian is on this show, Darienne has to have a sloppy poon! Good god, get a grip, girl! Courtney Act’s ruby dress is amazing and sexy, but I think the red on her face is unnecessary.
Judge’s critiques. Miss Crème is told her outfit wasn’t quite banjee, and her executive wasn’t quite executive. Michelle Visage loves Adore (“Are we gonna tongue?” Adore screams adorably) as do the rest of the judges. Adore had an epiphany while she was “taking a bathtub.” Oh my god, so many potential ringtones this bitch gives us. Bob Mackie is not a fan of Bianca’s eleganza. Darienne’s looks all missed the mark in some way. Courtney didn’t give banjee and wasn’t padded enough, but the rest of the looks were great. Santino particularly loves her eleganza gown.